The past few weeks have been so crazy! Mostly it's been just busy. I've felt pulled in so many different directions! Trying to balance family, work, church, and school has made me a crazy exhausted Mommy/wife/employee/student! I have finally moved back over to my old/new job. I love it. It just feels like I was on a long vacation. It's so nice to be back working with people who care about others and who are positive!
I think that was the biggest struggle of the last three months. I felt like all the negativity was zapping all the energy I had left. I have really been trying hard to be a positive, encouraging wife for my husband. But, I found myself slipping into a negative thinking pattern I worked so hard to avoid. Jackie does such a great job of always being uplifting and I have never ever heard him say a negative thing about me or Taylor. That's what I want to be! I have learned that my thoughts are directly linked to the words that come out of my mouth. Simple huh, but it just really hit me while I was working at Western. The people I worked with seemed happy, but the more that I talked to them they really weren't. They were stuck in a terrible place, but didn't want to do anything to change it. Every problem was someone else's fault and they had nothing to do with it. Am I like that too? That was the constant question in my mind. I don't want to be that way. I'm different. I have an incredible desire to be different and to love people and to teach them about Jesus! It was the first time in my life I'd ever encountered people who didn't want to hear about Jesus or to even think about doing things differently. Constantly I'd ask, Why am I here?
After being away a few days, I've been thinking abot what I learned while there.
Here's what it is . . .
My value is not in the stuff that I have. This is a big deal for me because I LOVE stuff.
My husband is a great man. I mean a really good, honest, loving, trustworthy man. I knew these things before, but it really became stuck in my mind after seeing how much I know he values me and Taylor.
My marriage is a priority. I did realize the impact it made when it wasn't a priority and how that can effect it long term.
Not everyone will accept Jesus, but that's can't stop us from sharing. This was so hard for me. I guess because I'm surrounded by people who really love the Lord and are constantly serving Him and others.
I have really great friends. I know the only way I survived was because of the people who prayed me through it! So, thank you to those of you who did!
I'm sure I learned more, but that's what's coming to mind now.
Another idea that has been on Jackie and my hearts is being willing to surrender it all. We think we are, but I know there are things that we are still holding back. We had a call that really changed our perspective on this issue. There was a young man (15) who was needing a home. We had always said we wouldn't do teenagers right now. However, we heard some of his story and we both just cried over him. We began to pray and cry out to God for this young man. We knew that our home was open the minute we sat down together. He didn't end up coming to stay, but we were willing and I think that's what the Lord was asking of us at that moment. There is nothing we want more than to have more kids in our home. There are many obstacles, but we are working on tackling them one at a time. One frustrating thing is it costs 18000 dollars to adopt a baby, but if we want to use donor sperm it's only 800 dollars. We want to adopt. There are so many kids who need homes and parents. Almost every day we hear about kids who need help. We want to be there. So, we are praying and waiting. I hate waiting and not having control. Those are my two biggest areas of weakness. Those are also the areas I've been tested the most in over this past year. Growing pains . . .
I've also been thinking about how far we have come over the past year. This time last year Don passed away. Not a week goes by that we don't think about him. I have learned so much about leaving a legacy from him. He changed lives everywhere he went, ours included. So much has happened in our church over the past year. Most churches would have been fighting and bickering and trying to name things after him. Not ours, we have seen an amazing increase in people coming to know the Lord. We have seen change in our kids, we have had families come and we have a real live church thriving in Downtown Amarillo! It's been so awesome to develop these friendships over the past year. We almost double our Christmas card list! It's awesome. I love having people we can call on for help and people who are like-minded as friends. We are surrounded by wise counsel and it's wonderful! It's been fun seeing Taylor develop these friendships too. She loves going to church and playing with her friends. She's learning so much about her Bible too.
Another area we've been working on changing our way of thinking is in the area of stuff. We have so much stuff. Taylor has so much stuff. We usually go way over board for Christmas. We spend money we don't have and for what? So we cut way back this year. I have really struggled with guilt about not spending that much or giving that many presents. We are doing homemade gifts and just a few things for Taylor. Christmas isn't about the presents anyway. We have been taking a different family to see lights and have a meal with us for the past few weeks. That's what Christmas is about! Loving on people around you and giving of yourself and your time. So, we decided to spend money on that instead of wasteful presents that don't get used. It's been so much fun and so full of laughter and we will do it again next year!!
We took our Sunday school kids caroling to a nursing home. The nursing home is about 5 blocks from the church and it's small. I just knew that's where we needed to go. When I called the nursing home to see if it was ok for us to come, the lady said, "Sure, we never have groups come." So sad! The people LOVED it, they laughed, and clapped, and sang along. Many of our kids had never been in a nursing home before. They were so good. We were kinda concerned they would be rowdy, but they were great! No pushing, hitting, yelling, and all those things are really big deals for the kids we work with! We sang about 5 songs and passed out cards the kids had made. It's been so much fun for us to watch these kids grow over the past year. It's so wonderful to get to know each of them more and more. I love finally being able to know most of their names! Some of them are kinda of hard, but we are getting much better! They are really starting to ask more questions and you can really see they are learning what we are teaching. God is really working in their little hearts! These are the kids that are going to change their neighborhoods! I believe it!
We did take Taylor to see Santa at the credit union again this year. She loved it. I thought she was kinda bothered at first becuase she has asked for a princess desk for Christmas. She also loves dressup stuff right now. So, she got her box and it was small. She said, "it's not a princess desk?" Then when she opened it, she said, "WOW, he got the right stuff!" So I learned something about her that night. She was so excited with her slippers, crown and rings. She didn't throw a fit, she was just using her thinking skills to decide what was in the box. I was so proud of her. She is learning the meaning of Christmas too!
So this year, while gathered around your tree think about what really happened on that Christmas day so many years ago. The God of the universe came down to Earth to be born as a little boy. He could have been born in the nicest castle, but He chose a barn. A messy, dangerous place, because we are all in messy dangerous places. He came to the lowest of low, so that the lowest of low could come to Him! That's the true meaning of Christmas, not the lights, food, presents, or the snow. It's about Jesus. Thank God it is, or where would we be?
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