To say things have been crazy at our house the last two months would be the understatement of the century! In January, Mr C started visits with his bio-dad.
(Bio-dad has been in PRISION for child abuse with one of Mr C's siblings, and was released early in November because of over-crowding. I have so many rants about that part, but I will save those for another time.)
Mr C has had a horrible time since these visits started. Horrible does not even begin to describe the extent of the behaviors we have seen in him. He began seriously acting out on the other children and on us. Jackie and I began to sleep in shifts so that one of us could watch him. It was so painful to see this precious little boy suffer so much. He was being tormented by these demons from his past that he has been working so hard to put away. We spent many hours with his therapist in her office and on the phone. We began the horrible process of documenting his behavior to have his level of care raised. We knew that once we began this process he would have to move from our home. It honestly was and is the most painful decision we have ever had to make. His behavior was no longer just his issue, it was affecting all of us. Jackie and I had brusies and scratches from his fits after these visits. So many things that I can't share here. They are too private and painful to recall. Our house was not a safe place for the other children in our family, or for us.
We had to admit him to the hospital for 5 days in February. The change in our other kids was instant. It was like they started breathing again. The sense of peace was restored to our home. We agonized over what to do when we were asked if he could return. Absolutely, was our answer. The doctor made a medication change during his stay and we showed up for a family visit and they said, "Surprise, he's coming home today!" He came home worse than when he left. He stayed 5 days and they were the most horrible I have ever experienced. The medication was completly wrong. He had the worst fit I have ever witnessed. It lasted four hours. Four hours of seeing him in intense anger and frustration and pain and being unable to do anything but grab pictures and things as they were flying. We had to readmit him.
At that point, we finally realized the decision we had to make. Our son, he is our son in every way possible, was needing help. He was needing help that we were unable to provide. We heard back from his caseworker and his level of care had been bumped up to specialized. We are a basic foster home and there is a moderate level and then specialized. Jackie and I struggled with Mr C and continue to do so. We pray for him and we are preparing for the day he will be able to return home. He has been through more things than we will ever know. He deserves a chance to get every bit of help he needs because he deserves a safe life far away from the abuse and neglect he suffered. Once those visits began, he began spiraling out of control. The difference in him after a visit was unlike anything I have ever witnessed. He became a different boy. Since January, he became consumed about worrying if it was a day he had to go to a visit. We miss him more than I can ever express. We are still active in his case and we are still considered the adoptive placement for him. The process might take a few months, it might take a few years, we don't know. We are praying he will be able to have all the help he needs so that he can heal and become the man God designed him to be. Please pray for him!!
This battle for Mr C has left us all exhausted and in need of some fun focused attention. Our other children are so resilent and brave. They have been so dilligent to pray for Mr C daily and to be very honest about their feelings and fears. God has protected them so many times. He covered them and while they were exhausted and worn out from the last months, they were not regressing or acting out. We all needed a break, desperately! So, Thursday night Jackie and I secretly packed their suitcases while they were all sleeping! We surprised them the next morning with a picnic. We started driving, after about an hour in the car Taylor says, "Mommy did you forget the picnic?" We busted out laughing and told them we weren't having a picnic, but a mini-vacation! They yelled out in delight!
We drove to Oklahoma City. We stayed in a nice hotel and went swimming as soon as we got there! Then we all got dressed up and went to see STOMP.
Of course I snagged the moment where we were all dressed up and happy to get a few pictures! The kids have the biggest smiles on their faces!!
The kids all looked so nice! They really liked getting all dressed up and not knowing what we were doing. They were all sure we were going to a nice restaurant. They were so confused when we drove through at Wendy's and had nuggets for supper!
We sat way up at the top, like two rows from the very top. The seats were ok, we knew that we didn't want great seats because we weren't sure how the kids would do at the show. The boys did awesome! They loved the show and were SO well behaved. The girls did great for being late at night, after a swim and a long drive, and only being 5 years old. Now, don't ask the people around us, they might have said something else. I only got to snap two pictures of us before the show. The usher was really mad I took those two pictures. It was even 20 minutes before the show started, but she didn't care.
The next morning we slept in a little bit and then dressed and headed for the next surprise. We met up with Uncle Wes and Aunt Tiffany (they were on a mini-vacation there too) at the Oklahoma City zoo. This zoo is awesome, huge, but awesome. We packed a picnic and snacks and began the hike to see the animals. We started about 10:30 and we stayed until 4:30. There were so many cool animals, and SO much walking. We let the kids feed the giraffes. It was so awesome. They got to see the tongue up close and we were the very last ones in. It was one of the highlights of the day. Now, my husband is not a fantastic photographer. That is his finger in the top left corner of the picture. I'm still thankful that he was willing and available to snap these pictures. Plus, I'm glad he's ok with me making fun of him for it! He's a great sport!
They have lots of statues of animals around the zoo, of course we took pictures on all of them. I'm just too lazy to black out the other kids' faces, so if you will turn your head to the left, you can see Taylor and imagine the 43 other ones on my camera!
Another statue picture . . .
If you go to this zoo, you HAVE to see the sea lion show. It's so awesome! The kids loved it. It reminded me of a mini version of the shamu (sp?) show at Sea World. They did tricks, made jokes, splashed people, and had great music to dance to. Taylor was loving on her Daddy and I got this great picture of it! They have so much fun together!
Jackie and I had so much fun just enjoying the kids and getting away from all the junk that comes along with what we do. We really needed this time to reconnect and remember that at the end of the day we are so blessed and we really like each other and our family!!
We did get a few group pictures of the kids. Mr C's bio-brother is the little boy in the green. He's so adorable. It's been amazing to see the change in him over the past few weeks. He's running, talking up a storm, and has really blossomed out of his shell. We are so glad we are such great friends with other foster parents.
So needless to say, it was an awesome trip. We stopped at Jackie's sister's house on the way home and introduced the kids and spent a few hours visiting. It was so good for Jackie. He was so happy. I think sometimes he tries so hard to move on from his past that tries to block out all of it. Even the good stuff. We had a great talk on the drive home. We got home about midnight. It was just what we needed.
So where are we with the other kids?? We are officially moving to the adoption unit April 1st. We hired our attorney today and we are just waiting on April to get here and to start the mountains of paperwork that are headed our way. So, we are praying that by the end of May we will have three more kids who share our name and we can share their names and faces with you!
