Adoption Day is Here!

13 months.  How is that possible?  On one hand it seems like just yesterday the kids came to stay with us.  On the other, each struggle and hurdle we overcame seem so huge that it seems like forever ago.  It's funny how time works.  I really have been saying I would just feel like I could breathe and relax once we got that piece of paper tomorrow.  However, today, the feelings I have are pretty overwhelming.  So I guess I'll just start and journal whatever comes to mind because I know I'll want to look back and reflect on this day in the future. 
the beginning . . .
Jackie and I knew we wouln't be able to have bio-children.  The age difference and health stuff prevented it.  I really struggled with it because in my heart I have the desire to be a mother and I wanted more than just one.  We applied with a foster agency and were turned down in July '10.  However, we had a sweet girl from our youth group that needed a place for about 6 weeks.  We opened up our home and we learned more in that six weeks than we ever had.  Most of all, we knew God was calling us to minister in this way.  We decided to apply with CPS and we went one really snowy night and almost froze, but we heard that we could become licensed.  We decided we would take the classes in the summer and begin fostering after that. 
April 20, 2011.  I was giving a presentation at school and was running around the house like crazy.  When I got out of class I looked at my phone and Jackie had been trying to get a hold of me.  Some kids from our school/sunday school class were being removed from their home by CPS.  We loved these kids and had invited them to come spend the night several times over the past few months.  We really attached to them.  Jackie said, "it's bad, I'm not sure how bad, but it's bad.  I hope you don't mind, but I told them we wanted to be considered for placement for these kids."  I drove straight from school to the church.  I got to hug the kids and make sure they knew how much we loved them.  That afternoon I went home and prayed for them like I've never prayed for anything in my life.  It was a Wednesday and we had a kid's night at church.  We hadn't heard about the kids so we were unsure what would happen. 
   About 8:00 we got the call and we had less than thirty minutes to decide.  It didn't even take us 30 seconds to know this was what God had been preparing us for.  All the odds were stacked against us.  The human side says, this is impossible.  These kids have been through way too much.  However, I'm so glad it's not just the human side of things. That first night I remember all the kids on pallets in the living room and I remember just being so grateful that they were safe and clean. 
   Over the last 13 months, all of my children have accepted Jesus and began a PERSONAL relationship with Him.  They have bonded in ways that I never expected.  They are all different and have their own personalities, weaknesses, and strengths.  God has brought all four of them through great places this year.  They have been challenged and asked to make a lot of tough decisions.  The amount of healing and growth in them is overwhelming.  None of us are the same as we were. 
   We have dealt with loss, grief, anger, pain, questions, sorrow, joy, laughter, sickness, rejoicing, and so many other things.  We have had to deal with a lot of real big emotions.  We all have had to learn new ways of doing things.  Our family has been stretched to the max and experienced more joy than we thought possible.  I get so overwhelmed with emotion when I think about all the ways God has provided for and protected my family.  The physical provision is astonishing!  Every need we have had God has provided over and abundantly.  Jackie and I still love each other.  Let me tell you, that's a miracle too.  Some of the things we have been through could have easily overtaken our marriage.  There is no way our family would be where we are without Jackie.  God has provided patience when we didn't know what to do.  Discernment to decided whether certain issues stemmed from abuse or normal kid behavior.  We have learned a lot about each other. 
   I don't feel as I did the night before Taylor was born.  I never dreamed of how amazing she would be and how she would change me and my life.  I was so scared.  Tonight I'm just so grateful and thankful and assured that our family will be taken care of.  I feel peaceful and appreciative.  I'm not scared of the teenage years.  I believe we will be guided and provided for just as we have this past year.  I'm choosing to believe that our teenage years will be full of struggles and victories.  We will deal with the struggles and celebrate the victories. 
   So tonight I'm so thankful for the bonds that have been broken over my children.  I'm so grateful that they will never ever walk back into that old life.  They have been called out!  I'm so thankful for Taylor's flexible attitude and ability to share and change.  I'm so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family who love and support us.  I'm amazed by our church family.  They have been a constant source of support, encouragement and peace.  I'm desperate for the day when no child has to experience the pain of abuse, but all children who are waiting for families can experience the hope of adoption day.  I'm assured my children have a great purpose and they will change their worlds.  Their God has provided for them and moved mountains to get to them.  He must have a huge plan for them all.  I'm clinging to the hope that our friends who are waiting for their children can experience this day too!  I'm believing that their day will come too. 

14 hours to go and counting down!

What happened today during lunch . . .

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Jackie is the best Daddy in the whole world!  Today Taylor and I watched a princess movie that had a step-by-step video on how to do the waltz.  We practiced all morning.  As soon as Jackie walked in for lunch, before he could even grab a drink of water, Taylor asked him for a dance.  He could have said, "No, I'm too tired," or "Not now baby, let me cool off first."  But did he? NO!  He said, "absolutely!"  Took off his hat, bowed to the princess, and started dancing away. 

He paitently learned all the steps, and followed along to the music.

He was very proper and bowed to the princess to thank her for the wonderful dance.

He was even willing to go a second round!  He waited while the princess changed dresses and slippers. (Notice how Taylor is even holding up her beautiful gown like all the princess do!)

The smile on her face says it all!!

"I will dance with Cinderella, while she is here in my arms. 

Because I know something the prince never knew,

all too soon the clock will strike Midnight and she'll be gone."

Update on the kiddos progress

We still have not got to visit with Mr C.  He's in a home in Lubbock and we are waiting for the ok to visit him.  The kids are so faithful to pray for him EVERYDAY.  They love him as do we.  Hopefully we will know more soon.  Until then, we will continue praying and believing that God is working.

We are officially in the ADOPTION UNIT!!  We have hired our attorney and begun paperwork!  I got to talk on the phone to our new adoption worker.  She seemed very nice.  She comes for our first visit on April 9th.  Last Easter, we were celebrating the fact we added these new kids and that they were finally safe.  It was one of the sweetest days!  This year, we are celebrating the pending adoption and how the Lord has added to our family greatly the past year!  So far the process has been pretty smooth.  For these three kiddos, the last year has gone pretty smooth.  We have had a great experience with all involved so far!  It has been amazing how God has walked before us in every phase.  Sometimes, we doubted it and were really frustrated.  But in looking back, it's so obvious!

Our adoption worker was very confident that we could easily have the adoption consummated by the end of May!  WHoo-hoo!!!

Suprise Get-away!

To say things have been crazy at our house the last two months would be the understatement of the century!  In January, Mr C started visits with his bio-dad. 

(Bio-dad has been in PRISION for child abuse with one of Mr C's siblings, and was released early in November because of over-crowding.  I have so many rants about that part, but I will save those for another time.)

Mr C has had a horrible time since these visits started.  Horrible does not even begin to describe the extent of the behaviors we have seen in him.  He began seriously acting out on the other children and on us.  Jackie and I began to sleep in shifts so that one of us could watch him.  It was so painful to see this precious little boy suffer so much.  He was being tormented by these demons from his past that he has been working so hard to put away.  We spent many hours with his therapist in her office and on the phone.  We began the horrible process of documenting his behavior to have his level of care raised.  We knew that once we began this process he would have to move from our home.  It honestly was and is the most painful decision we have ever had to make.  His behavior was no longer just his issue, it was affecting all of us.  Jackie and I had brusies and scratches from his fits after these visits.  So many things that I can't share here.  They are too private and painful to recall.  Our house was not a safe place for the other children in our family, or for us. 

We had to admit him to the hospital for 5 days in February.  The change in our other kids was instant.  It was like they started breathing again.  The sense of peace was restored to our home.  We agonized over what to do when we were asked if he could return.  Absolutely, was our answer.  The doctor made a medication change during his stay and we showed up for a family visit and they said, "Surprise, he's coming home today!"  He came home worse than when he left.  He stayed 5 days and they were the most horrible I have ever experienced.  The medication was completly wrong.  He had the worst fit I have ever witnessed.  It lasted four hours.  Four hours of seeing him in intense anger and frustration and pain and being unable to do anything but grab pictures and things as they were flying.  We had to readmit him. 

At that point, we finally realized the decision we had to make.  Our son, he is our son in every way possible, was needing help.  He was needing help that we were unable to provide.  We heard back from his caseworker and his level of care had been bumped up to specialized.  We are a basic foster home and there is a moderate level and then specialized.  Jackie and I struggled with Mr C and continue to do so.  We pray for him and we are preparing for the day he will be able to return home.  He has been through more things than we will ever know.  He deserves a chance to get every bit of help he needs because he deserves a safe life far away from the abuse and neglect he suffered.  Once those visits began, he began spiraling out of control.  The difference in him after a visit was unlike anything I have ever witnessed.  He became a different boy.  Since January, he became consumed about worrying if it was a day he had to go to a visit.  We miss him more than I can ever express.  We are still active in his case and we are still considered the adoptive placement for him.  The process might take a few months, it might take a few years, we don't know.  We are praying he will be able to have all the help he needs so that he can heal and become the man God designed him to be.  Please pray for him!!

This battle for Mr C has left us all exhausted and in need of some fun focused attention.  Our other children are so resilent and brave.  They have been so dilligent to pray for Mr C daily and to be very honest about their feelings and fears.  God has protected them so many times.  He covered them and while they were exhausted and worn out from the last months, they were not regressing or acting out.  We all needed a break, desperately!  So, Thursday night Jackie and I secretly packed their suitcases while they were all sleeping!  We surprised them the next morning with a picnic.  We started driving, after about an hour in the car Taylor says, "Mommy did you forget the picnic?"  We busted out laughing and told them we weren't having a picnic, but a mini-vacation!  They yelled out in delight! 

We drove to Oklahoma City.  We stayed in a nice hotel and went swimming as soon as we got there!  Then we all got dressed up and went to see STOMP. 

Of course I snagged the moment where we were all dressed up and happy to get a few pictures!  The kids have the biggest smiles on their faces!!

The kids all looked so nice!  They really liked getting all dressed up and not knowing what we were doing.  They were all sure we were going to a nice restaurant.  They were so confused when we drove through at Wendy's and had nuggets for supper!

We sat way up at the top, like two rows from the very top.  The seats were ok, we knew that we didn't want great seats because we weren't sure how the kids would do at the show.  The boys did awesome!  They loved the show and were SO well behaved.  The girls did great for being late at night, after a swim and a long drive, and only being 5 years old.  Now, don't ask the people around us, they might have said something else.  I only got to snap two pictures of us before the show.  The usher was really mad I took those two pictures.  It was even 20 minutes before the show started, but she didn't care.

The next morning we slept in a little bit and then dressed and headed for the next surprise.  We met up with Uncle Wes and Aunt Tiffany (they were on a mini-vacation there too) at the Oklahoma City zoo.  This zoo is awesome, huge, but awesome.  We packed a picnic and snacks and began the hike to see the animals.  We started about 10:30 and we stayed until 4:30.  There were so many cool animals, and SO much walking.  We let the kids feed the giraffes.  It was so awesome.  They got to see the tongue up close and we were the very last ones in.  It was one of the highlights of the day.  Now, my husband is not a fantastic photographer.  That is his finger in the top left corner of the picture.  I'm still thankful that he was willing and available to snap these pictures.  Plus, I'm glad he's ok with me making fun of him for it!  He's a great sport!

They have lots of statues of animals around the zoo, of course we took pictures on all of them.  I'm just too lazy to black out the other kids' faces, so if you will turn your head to the left, you can see Taylor and imagine the 43 other ones on my camera!

Another statue picture . . .

If you go to this zoo, you HAVE to see the sea lion show.  It's so awesome!  The kids loved it.  It reminded me of a mini version of the shamu (sp?) show at Sea World.  They did tricks, made jokes, splashed people, and had great music to dance to.  Taylor was loving on her Daddy and I got this great picture of it!  They have so much fun together!

Jackie and I had so much fun just enjoying the kids and getting away from all the junk that comes along with what we do.  We really needed this time to reconnect and remember that at the end of the day we are so blessed and we really like each other and our family!!

We did get a few group pictures of the kids.  Mr C's bio-brother is the little boy in the green.  He's so adorable.  It's been amazing to see the change in him over the past few weeks.  He's running, talking up a storm, and has really blossomed out of his shell.  We are so glad we are such great friends with other foster parents. 

So needless to say, it was an awesome trip.  We stopped at Jackie's sister's house on the way home and introduced the kids and spent a few hours visiting.  It was so good for Jackie.  He was so happy.  I think sometimes he tries so hard to move on from his past that tries to block out all of it.  Even the good stuff.  We had a great talk on the drive home.  We got home about midnight.  It was just what we needed.

So where are we with the other kids??  We are officially moving to the adoption unit April 1st.  We hired our attorney today and we are just waiting on April to get here and to start the mountains of paperwork that are headed our way.  So, we are praying that by the end of May we will have three more kids who share our name and we can share their names and faces with you! 

Pinewood Derby

For the last few weeks we have been all about the Pinewood Derby at our house.  The boys built some awesome looking cars!  They had a blast working with Jackie and the tools.  They are so stinking cute with their saftey goggles on!  Melts this Momma's heart to watch them doing awesome activities like this with their Daddy. 

We had the big race on Saturday.  The boys stayed up late putting the final touches on their cars.  They didn't win, but it was a great time.  They got some great ideas for next year.  It was so fun to hear everyone so excited about the race and their cars.  Boy scouts has been an awesome thing for our boys.  They have learned so much, plus they just go crazy for the extra one on one time with Jackie.  It's helped them bond even more!  I can tell you there's nothing as adorable as a boy in a uniform!  They put them on and they stand even taller.  They kinda puff their chests out.  PRECIOUS!!

What have we been up to??

Life has been more than wild for the seven of us.  Things have been busy, wild, crazy, fun, terrifying, worrysome, hilarious, but most of all unpredictable!  I will go back and do a recap of the holidays and then I will share what is ahead in the future for our clan. 

November:

The kids told us they had never had a Christmas tree all decorated and pretty before.  Of course I LOVE Christmas, and this absolutely broke my heart.  So we put up our decorations way before Thanksgiving.  We decorated every room in the house.  The kids all had trees in their rooms.  We even have a Santa toilet seat cover (thanks, MOM!).  The kids loved every minute of it.  We wrapped a few presents right away and put them under the tree.  To my surprise, the kids never messed with the gifts.  They loved having more presents added.  They made sure to show everyone who came over that we had to remove the back half of the tree so all the gifts would fit! 

We had a great Thanksgiving.  The kids didn't really care for the food that much.  My mom's oven broke while she was cooking.  That's a shame too, because I look forward to my mom's dressing ALL YEAR LONG!  Then the kids wore my dad out on the Wii.  They loved playing the race car games with him.  Jackie and I were able to sneak off and do some black Friday Christmas shopping.  We started at 9:00 on Thursday night and shopped all night.  We finished about noon on Friday.  Then we went home and wrapped and hid presents so the snoopy kids wouldn't find them!  It was so much fun!  I love Black Friday and the excitement of finding that perfect gift.  I don't like waiting to do all the shopping then.  I always start in the summer time buying a few things here and there. 

I also got to the point during my student teaching where I wasn't quite sure if I would finish.  We have great friends and neighbors who helped us in so many ways.  We have so many wonderful friends who kept praying us through this super stressful time.  In these moments, God spoke so clearly that Jackie and I are a great team.  It was so hard on our family, but it made us realize how important it was for me to stay at home for now. 

Chick-fil-a is the most awesome place in the whole world.  They had a Daddy/Daughter date night in November.  The girls went with Jackie.  It was so cute.  Jackie told them they had a surprise.  They came home and all got dressed up.  He rang the doorbell and brought them both flowers.  He helped them with their coats and opened all the doors for them.  They went to Chick-Fil-A where they had decorated the place with name cards and tablecloths.  They had a great time.  After the meal, they got to ride in a LIMO.  Now, I have only been in one limo, the Big Texan free limo, so I don't even think that counts.  They were so excited when they got home!  Jackie was just beaming too.  It was so sweet to see them enjoy each other so much.  They are so blessed to have a Daddy that shows them how ladies are supposed to be treated.  The boys and I went for pizza and played cards, so we had fun too that night!

December:

We drove around and looked at lights so many different nights. The kids loved it and we came up with a great plan for how to decorate outside the house next year. We even got the kids their very own "grown-up" hot cocoa mugs. Each one in a different color! They had so much fun wrapping up in blankets with the hot cocoa, singing Christmas songs, and ohh-ing and ahh-ing over the light displays.

In December, I actually gradutated from College!  It feels so good to have that degree.  I actually finished something!  My ex was so unsupportive and told me so many times that I couldn't do it.  It was so refreshing to actually do it, and with honors!  It was amazing to celebrate this time with Jackie.  He did so much to help me finish.  He stayed up late helping me study, let me read speeches and papers to him, he babysat before we were married so I could go to class, he provided for our family when I could no longer work and do school, he was amazing.  When I told him I wanted to go back to school, he looked me straight in the eye and said "do it!"  He promised to be here with me every step and he did.  He never questioned me and when I was up late and crying and stressed, he sat with me and helped me push through.  He really had unwavering support and I am so thankful to him for that.  It was hard for me to take those steps of faith to trust in someone again after being burned so badly in the past.  However, Jackie proved himself trustworth and faithful and loyal.  God absolutely brought the perfect man to me at the perfect time! 

I love you honey!



We also had family pictures made.  We had a great time and for the most part the kids did great and really cooperated.  Miss T got worn out at the end, so we didn't get an individual picture of her, but we got awesome ones of the others.  They turned out so good.  I had a hard time narrowing them down. 

The girls act more and more like sisters everyday.  They laugh together and play together very well.  They also fight and argue.  They are amazing to have around.  I can't believe how much Taylor has adapted to these kids becoming a part of our family.  She is the most amazing girl in the whole world.  Miss T has learned a lot from her.  They both have funny personalities and lots of expressions!  It's HILARIOUS to listen to them play together.  They love their Barbies and to play dress up.  They are both very girly.  I'm really not that girly, so it's been a lot of fun playing tea parties and going to royal balls with these two. 

 The funnest part of the last year has been getting used to boys in our house.  I had lots of friends that were boys, but never lived with one unless I was married to him.  These boys are so funny.  They are also messy and stinky!  However, they are the sweetest most loving and thoughtful kids I know.  They are rowdy and loud and I LOVE IT!  It's so nice to see them relax, let their guards down, and just be kids.  It has been amazing to see the large amounts of healing God has provided for these boys, Miss T too, but it's so apparent in the boys. 

 Here is hopefully our last family picutre with just three faces in it. 

Which brings me to where we are now.  Tomorrow is a huge day in court for our family.  One of our kids has a regular review hearing tomorrow.  We are praying that parental visits can stop or at least reduced.  Then we are praying that their final termination hearing can be set.  CPS is looking at that hearing being in March or late February.  Three of our kids are having a final termination of parental rights hearing tomorrow.  That means CPS has enough evidence and the birth parents are not doing what is required of them to have the kids be reunited with them. The birth mother has signed relinquishment papers.  However, these kids have been to a final hearing and the mother has signed relinquishment papers before and it did not go well.  The judge actually allowed the mother to take back the relinqushment papers she signed and then he sent them home.  We got to talk to their previous case worker and she was just floored when it happened.  Because of that decision, our kids went through so many awful things that I can not fully understand or grasp.  But, because of the chain of events after that decision they are ours.  We have a different judge this time around.  The last time we were in front of him, he showed a great deal of frustration towards the birth parents, which was deserved.  As a mother I can't imagine making the decisions these parents have made.  Twice they have said, I don't want my kids.  Then they hurt them in the most horrible and disgusting ways.  I know I would do anything for my babies and to protect them.  I am prepared for a fight.  However, as I'm ready to jump out and shout and bang on that judges's door and call the case workers daily, I hear God telling me, "Heather, be patient, I've got this."  God has moved mountains and worked miracles on behalf of our kids and us.  He has been faithful and never fading.  I know He is working and is well-aware of what's going on with our family.  I can't stop crying out to Him to continue to move in this situation.  No matter what happens tomorrow in court, I know we serve a powerful, compassionate God.  He is perfect where I am not at all.  We have been studying the book of Mark.  We just this week studied the passage where Jesus fed the 4000 in the dessert.  These people had been following Jesus for three days.  He was well aware of their needs, both physical and spiritual.  No one was complaining and begging, He was so focused on the people that He knew just what they needed.  I can only imagine how crazy people thought He was when he told the disciples He was going to feed the people with 7 loaves of bread and a few small fish.  The situation looked hopeless.  People today think we are crazy.  Taking in 4 kids with such a brutal abusive background, severe behavior issues, with nothing but the clothes on their backs into a very small (less that 1000 square feet) 3 bedroom one bath house with one income at a moment's notice.  Our situation looks hopeless to those look from the outside in.  However, we are not hopeless but hopeful.  We are praising and rejoicing at every momentous occasion our kids celebrate.  Some are small things like using a napkin instead of a shirt, saying please instead of gimme.  Other are large things, like being able to use words to talk about their abusive backgrounds and do self-checks to keep themselves calm.  Every need we have had the Lord has abundantly provided for.   I am confident He will do so in the future.  Our battle is long from over.  We get worn out and exhausted, but I am so THANKFUL that God doesn't grow weak or weary.  We are still believing Him for HUGE things.  We are waiting for miracles and for deep healing.  It will come, in the mean time, we wait.  We enjoy each hug, kiss, laughter, and the sweet sound of five precious angels saying, "Mommy, I love You.  Daddy, you are the best Daddy in the whole world."  We are praying and hoping that the rest of our family pictures will have at least these special faces in them and that soon I will be able to share their beautiful smiles with you!!



Pray for tomorrow and that God's will for these babies will be done!