Scissors DRAMA!

Yesterday was a peaceful, relaxing day until about 2:15.  I walked into Taylor's room to make sure she was following directions and was sleeping.  I opened the door, and saw her bed was covered with brown HAIR!!  My eyes just about popped out of my head!  She had cut her hair!!

When she looked in the mirror, she started crying.  I told her we were going to have to cut her hair and she started crying harder. She kept saying, "I don't want to look like a boy!  I don't want to wear headbands, I want to wear bows!"  At that point, I started laughing like crazy!  I think every little girl does this to her hair at some point.  We did learn a big lesson though, no scissors.

My dear friend Carrie saved the day and fixed her all up!  She met us at her shop and Taylor did great!  She did ask Carrie to make sure and not cut her hair to look like her Daddy's. 

The new doo!  I think it looks pretty cute, and a lot healthier!

On a side note, while we were getting Taylor's hair cut she saw a picture of Elvis Presley and asked, "Is that Justin Beiber?"  WHAT??!!?!?!? NO!  That's Elvis.  So, did my grandparents feel about Elvis the way I feel about Justin Beiber?  Probably so!  Still it was funny!

PROGRESS!!!

Our backyard looks like this . . .

BUT, our porch looks like this!!!!

My husband is so talented!  It looks great and I can't wait until it's finished!!!!

Cookie Time!!

Today was another Sick day for Taylor.  We worked hard on cleaning her room and sorting through her clothes and getting the too small stuff out.  She worked so hard and did everything I asked her to do!  So, we decided to do something fun!  Make cookies! 

She was sneaking bites of the dough.  She did a great job rolling out the dough and cutting the shapes.

See that smile?  That's how I know we are making a good decision about me staying home!

Cookies after they were cut, baked, but before the icing!



We made flowers, hearts, and Gingerbread boys.  Guess I need to get some more cookie cutters that aren't Christmas-themed!

She had a great time and did a great job icing the cookies!  They turned out good and suprisingly we didn't make too much of a mess.  We did lick the icing a few times!

Taylor's work in progress!

Final product!  Of course her cookies had to have sprinkles!  I can't wait to taste one!

Strolling vs Running, the next chapter

   See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry . . .    Matthew 6:28-31

   I am so in love with my daughter it's unbelievable.  The last four years have been an incredible journey.  The Lord has taken us through so many seasons.  I can look back and wonder how on Earth did we make it through that and I can see God at work in our lives like I never have been able to see before.  I have wanted to be a mother for SO long.  I can remember being about 5 and holding my cabbage patch doll with blonde hair and thinking about being a Mommy some day.  At that time and for many years to come, I was thinking about bows and diapers and little bitty clothes and snuggling and rocking this sweet little baby to sleep.  Fast forward to now, now I am awake in the middle of the night thinking about Barbies, teenage years, self-esteem, and loving God.  For the last two years I have been pushing Taylor to be better and smarter and older and quicker and so many other things.  Those things are all important, but I have forgotten that she is so little. 
   When I met Jackie, I was hurt and scarred SO deeply.  The Lord brought him at just the right moment and healed so many wounds.  Taylor needed a Daddy, a man who would love her and treasure her.  She got so much more than that and so did I.  I needed to hear that I could accomplish things, I needed to hear positive words from someone I loved and trusted.  I was lost and felt like a failure.  Jackie has stood right by my side as I burned the candle at both ends and drove us crazy.  I worked full-time, went to school full-time, was a wife, a mother, Sunday school teacher, and volunteer for work committees, and whatever else I could get us into.  I have been a good Mommy.  I have rocked that baby, read to her, made sure she had good food, clothes, and am teaching her to love the Lord.  I haven't been perfect, in no way close.  I have put other things first and I'm ready to stop doing that!
   Taylor is smart.  Every parent thinks that about their kids, I know.  But really she is smart, gifted.  She just turned 4 and is starting to show signs of reading.  There are so many things she can do and she's so "old" for her age, I have forgotten how small she really is. 
   We also LOVE her school.  We believe in it's mission, adore the teachers and principal.  We support it, I'd love to teach there someday.  However, it has been a huge struggle for us since August.  Taylor has had a hard time adapting.  She did at her daycares too, I just didn't see it as much.  Now she talks more and tells me more how she's feeling so it's so much more apparent to me.  The Lord provided the school at just the right moment for us.  In August, when I went from full to part time, the money we saved over her daycare was exactly my cut in pay.  Almost to the penny.  THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT. 
   Jackie and I have really been spending time in prayer asking God for a mission for our family.  We have been really turning our lives over to Him in surrender.  We have always loved the Lord and wanted to do His work.  But we are stepping in faith to follow where the Lord is gonna take us.  He has given us this amazing passion about fostering kids.  His handprints have been all over the process so far!  The last two weeks, God has been speaking to us individually about our family.  Jackie, Taylor, and me.  Last week Jackie and I met for breakfast and shared what God was laying on our hearts.  God has given us both the desire for me to be at home.  We sat down and planned a budget for me to be able to do so this summer. 
   We were both on board and excited about our new plans.  Then God said, "Ok, you get my vision, you're trusting in Me.  Now, let's do it on my time table not yours!"  He didn't really speak that, but that's how I imagine He would have said it to me!  :) 
   Taylor has had her name on the board at school almost every day in February.  Two days she didn't since January 27.  I don't even remember how many days in January, but I know it was a bunch.  It's all for little things.  Things that are important for a teacher and a school, but not really so much for my daughter and as a parent.  We have been backing up the teacher and the school policies and trying to reinforce it at home.  Taylor is strong-willed and determined so we know that we really have to focus on the behavior if we want it to change.  So, when she got her name on the board, no fancy snack after school, no movies and early to bed.  With my new position I get home from work at 6:30.  Make dinner, give her a bath, and then it's bed time.  So I had about 2 hours a day with her.  How can I possibly be a godly mother with just two hours a day? 
   Thursday was the end.  Jackie and I both had a little break down and knew that this was not working.  I have been putting other things before my family.  Jackie has been so helpful and doing a lot of the housework because I have been gone.  It's taking it's toll on him.  I used to always believe in both people doing equal shares of the housework.  I'm not crazy, but I really believe that the Lord calls the woman to take care of the home.  He gives me the eye for the detail that even though my husband is so wonderful, he just doesn't have.  So we both just prayed and asked the Lord whole-heartedly for a solution.  He gave us one.  I put in my two weeks' notice at work today.  I can no longer keep running at this pace.  It's affecting my family in too many ways.  I was too stubborn and selfish to see it in the beginning.  But I feel like if I didn't have that time to heal and gain the confidence there would be no way we could take this step of faith now. 
   I started working because I had to.  I was a single mother who was proud and needed to earn money to feed and diaper this little baby.  Taylor was only 7 months old when I started work.  She was so little.  My mom was a huge blessing and took care of her so I could work and get on my feet.  Taylor went to daycare after her first birthday.  I remember the days leaving her screaming while I was crying all the way to work.  She was telling me I'm not ready, but I felt like I had no choice.  We switched her to a new daycare after about 7 months.  It was a good decision to switch her but she would still cry when I dropped her off.  She had one fabulous teacher who loved on her.  I hated the feeling of walking off to head to work as my baby was crying.  Jackie and I talked about me quitting work for like one second.  I didn't trust him enough.  Even though we were married, I wasn't ready to relinquish all the power that comes with making your own money to spend.  At this point in our lives, that power is not worth the cost.  Jackie has proved himself over and over again to me and Taylor.  In many areas, he's stronger in his faith than I am and I've been a Christian twice as long.  I have hundreds of examples of times where God has proved Himself over and over again to me!  There is no rational reason for me not to trust that as we step out and follow His plan that He won't bless us and take care of us! 
   We sat down with our tax return, our bills and a budget.  When we first started we needed to cut out 360 dollars a month in expenses.  That's a LOT of money.  It didn't seem possible.  Jackie started praying, "God we are going to do what You want, provide a way for us to do it."  As we began to work and move things around, we could see the number get smaller and smaller.  By the time we were done, we had 43 extra dollars that weren't spent.  That, my friends, is the LORD OF HEAVEN AT WORK!!!  Today, we had a meeting with her teacher and principal.  We will be moving her to just half a day three days a week.  She's so smart and loves her friends so we don't want to take that away completly, but we do want to balance it and take the pressure off.  Her mornings are good, the afternoons are where she gets restless and tired and the trouble begins.  I really feel like this is going to be so positive and a good decision for our family!  I will be able to have more time and that's what we really need now! 
   So the Smith's are slowing down.  No more running, just strolling.  My dad told me the other day to slow down and smell the roses.  He had no idea what was going on.  My sweet friend Cassie wrote two blogs the other day called Attitude Adjustment and From the bottom of my heart. She wasn't writing them to me.  Anna wrote a blog called To do what is right and live without fear, she didn't write it to me either.  My dear friend Chrisitine is always having something in her blog that makes me think about our life choices especially her post about the husbands way back.  Does she write it to me? No, but the Lord used these to speak to me though.  Every sermon, bible study, and song I've heard seems to make my focus go to the family.  Is that luck or fate?  Nope, that's my God giving me direction and reassuring me that He cares about my family!
   So, I'm easing off.  Less pressure.  On Taylor, on Jackie, on me.  Our days are numbered and I'm gonna enjoy it and have more smiles like these . . .

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day used to be one of those days I looked forward too for weeks.  But somehow at the end I always end up disappointed.  Not this year.  I'm not one of those people who hate Valentine's, but I am kinda disliking parts of it.  Today we were taking kids home and there were all these vendors on the streets selling these balloons and huge stuffed animals.  It was crazy.  Do people really need a life-size bear to prove that someone loves them?  I have something better than a crazy stuffed bear and chocolates!

Everyday I wake up with the most wonderful man ever.  He goes to work everyday and does a great job.  He supports me in all the crazy ideas I have.  He is gentle and kind when I probably need a slap across the head.  He is always where he says he will be.  He loves our daughter with his whole heart.  He loves God.  He recognizes the hand of God on our lives and he takes it very seriously.  He understands about forgiveness and grace.  He is willing to give of the money he works so hard to earn because he realizies that it's not ours, it's GOD's.  He's leading us on this amazing faith adventure as we step out to love kids whose biological parents can't.  He is the best thing I could have ever hoped for!  Every day I know he will come home.  I will never again walk into an abandoned house.  God has used him to heal so many deep, deep wounds and to teach me so many things. 

Today in my purse at church he gave me the sweetest card I have ever gotten.  He hand-made it.  It was simple, no elaborate poem or fancy engraving.  But it was honestly the best card I have ever received.  It was from his heart.

So, as I think about tomorrow I don't need/want all that junk.  I have a wonderful man who proves his love everyday.  I don't need a big stuffed animal or flowers that will die in a few days.  I have a deep commited love that is so much stronger than the day we got married.  I get what I used to hope for on Valentine's Day every day of the year!!!

Self-Control

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." -Galatians 5:22-23

From spirithome.com:
When Christians speak of the work of the "Holy Spirit", they are speaking about the operations of the Spirit of God in the material world we live in, and within us. But God the Holy Spirit isn't here just to hang out, or to do a miracle for sport, or bliss someone out for an hour or so. The Spirit is there to cause things to happen in peoples' lives that bring them more in tune with God's purposes on earth (and beyond). Words like 'result' or 'outgrowth' help us little to envision this. When the Spirit starts changing someone, it shows as a growth in character, a change in their way of life that is good for the people they live among. This change in character and way of life is called a 'fruit of the Spirit', like the fruit grown by a tree can feed people and wildlife. From ancient times to today, abundant fruit from an orchard is seen as cause for hope and celebration. Abundant spiritual fruit also breeds hope and is well worth celebrating.

I am so incredibly excited about what this year will bring!  I can just imagine all that will happen.  This year is different than years in the past.  I really feel like the Lord has given me a real vision for this year.  We have decided to do quite a few things differently.  The first thing is our weight loss.  This week was real tough.  We were so excited about all the CPS stuff we ate out a few times to celebrate.  The good thing is we didn't go too far overboard and we didn't gain any weight.  Didn't loose any, but didn't gain any.  This self-control is SO hard for me.  I have really found that the more I talk to God about the struggle and read His word, the easier it gets.  So, here I am again ready to continue on this journey. 

I'm dying to share all that happened at our CPS meeting!  I got off work and Jackie and I went to a wedding reception for a few minutes.  The weather was terrible.  Blowing snow, and a windchill of -26!  We made it to our meeting about 5 minutes late.  (Now, if you know me, you know this is pretty much my norm.  If you know my husband, you know he is very rarely late, and if he is it drives him CRAZY!)  We walked up to the door and it was locked!  I had called earlier to confirm we would be at the meeting.  The wonderful woman told me she would tape her phone number on the glass just in case they couldn't hear us.  The paper fell off the glass upside down.  I could see the paper, but the phone number was not where we could see it!  We began to knock on the windows and ring the doorbell.  But, no answer.  Jackie told me we had to get back in the car.  It was dangerously cold.  Both our hands and noses and ears were bright red and SO cold.  I felt terrible.  I cried.  I was so excited about the meeting and couldn't wait to get started.  Jackie was so calm and didn't say anything about us being late because I wanted to visit at the reception. 

We just sat in the car very quietly.  We waited and waited and waited.  About an hour later, the people began to leave the meeting.  The woman was VERY cautious about letting us in.  We were all bundled up and she couldn't see much of our faces.  I"m sure it was scary because we literally ran to the door when we saw them!  She was so kind though.  She took us back to her office and we got to have a private meeting and ask so many questions.  Earlier that day, I had went to the Texas DPS website and pulled background checks and she was able to look at us right in the eye and say, "It's not a problem!"  A moment of relief and healing came over us right there in the middle of her cubicle!  The Lord answered our prayers completely and totally! 

We got all the first set of paperwork completed.  Including the drawings of our house and lists of all the places we had lived since we were 18.  I've moved 13 times since I was 18.  That's crazy!  We are going to start the classes in May.  We could do it in March, but Jackie has a school class on the same night as one of the CPS classes.  There's not another time we could move his class too.  We are deciding if we should do half in March and the other half in May, or just do all of it in May.  I want to start as soon as possible, but Jackie wants to do it all at one time.  Either way, the process takes about 3-4 months.  So, in about 5 months or so, we could have kids in our home! 

Taylor's appointment with her Asthma/Allergy Specialist went FABULOUS!  She's doing great.  The meds are really helping her.  I'm so proud of her and so thankful she can breathe!

Changes

There are so many things changing in our lives right now.  It's exciting, scary, nerve-wracking, peaceful, and so many other things all at the same time.  Since I began this weight loss journey, I have lost 24 pounds.  That's a big deal!  I am down to 235!!  It's been terribly hard, but I love stepping on the scale and seeing the number go down.  I'm missing pizza, enchilladas, and cokes.  I'm learning to love lettuce, skinny cow fudge pops, teas, and the feeling that I can do it! 

This weekend we were really busy.  Friday night we had a meeting about the biggest dream in our hearts right now.  CityChurch is planning on building a place called Hope Ranch.  Right now in AISD there are over 900 homeless children.  That is a staggering number.  Jackie and I have been really praying for the Lord to give us more children.  This desire for kids is contagious at CityChurch.  There are many other families who have adopted, are adopting, or are considering adopting in the future.  We have a dream, a dream for a neighborhood full of these kids in Christian homes.  Kids who have room to run and play, learn about the God who loves them so much, and to see that life should be different.  We want to give these kids a safe, secure place to do all these things in.  Don always used to say, "Help without hope is no help at all!"  So, we want to give them a place to grow up and to gain this hope.  We envision a tree-lined street with homes on either side, a barn, campfire pit, garden, and a fishing hole.  Jackie and I are going to move there and be house parents.  Not just house parents, but kids' parents. 

Speaking of that, tonight is our first CPS meeting.  We are going to being the process of becoming licensed foster parents with CPS.  We will eventually be able to adopt children through CPS.  It's so exciting!  We are both nervous, but we know that this is what the Lord wants for us.  We are praying for the Lord to begin to equip us.  We know we are lacking in many areas, but most of all we know that "God does not call the equipped, but He equips the called!" 

January 2011

   I'm going to try and put up a post atleast once a month about what we've been doing.  So, January 2011 was a pretty good month for us.  We had some major milestones occur.  Jackie and I began our 3rd year of marriage.  I'm so blessed by this man.  He's encouraging, strong, faithful, loving, caring, and every other nice word you could possibly think up!  He's started working on our new porch.  I have three holes in the backyard and some posts have been purchased.  So, it's progress. 
   School is back in full swing for us.  I'm taking two in class classes and two online classes.  Jackie is taking one night class and then in March he starts a second one.  Pray for him, his math class is college algebra and he's struggling.  I know he can do it.  He's so much smarter than he thinks he is.  He works hard at it dilligently (I always have such a hard time spelling this word!).
   Taylor turned 4 on the 27th!  Where has the time gone?  This pic is from her birthday!  She's a very funny girl.  She's smart and happy most of the time.  She is pretty stong willed.  I love that about her, but it also makes for lots of disclipline time.  She's been doing really good at school lately.  She had a bad day on Wednesday, but she's been working hard to be better.  I've been able to go up some days and volunteer at the school.  It's been so much fun!  I got to read with kids and work on spelling and phonics and just enjoy being around them.  I love it!  I wish I had more time to be up there.  I want to be able to do my student teaching and observation hours there, but I don't think it's going to work out that way.  I'm still praying for it because I know the Lord does answer prayers everyday all around me.  On her birthday we had cupcakes, juice, a story, and games for all the kids in her class.  They are a funny bunch of kids.  Taylor has a lot of really good friends, which I'm SO thankful for!!

Here are some party pics!

The birthday girl!

Taylor, Malachi, and Xavier

We had a princess cupcake cake, ice cream, grapes, pineapple, apples, oranges, and goldfish.

Taylor got great presents!  She's been playing with everything.  She especially loves the Barbies!!

The weather was perfect!  We blew up a jumper in the park across the street.  The kids loved it! 

Jackie and Tammy (another mom) got in the jumper with the kids.  They both ended up falling down on one side, then all the kids fell down too.  Everyone was in one corner and the jumper began to fall over.  Not scary, just hilarious!  I should have had the video camera on.  Everyone was laughing so hard!  That night Taylor had her first sleepover.  Zoe came and stayed the night.  We all had a blast.  They played Barbie, dress up, watched a movie, made pizzas, and then they ended up sleeping in bed with me while Jackie slept in Taylor's bed.  What a great Daddy!!

  Speaking of Taylor's bed, here's a picture of her great new bed!  Jackie built it.  He did a great job and she LOVES it!  She wants to show everyone.  I can't believe how much fun she is. 

Taylor,

Daddy and I love you so much and are so blessed to have you in our lives.  I can't wait to see the woman you become one day, but for now I'm LOVING spending time with you and watching you grow.  We will always love you more than I can ever find words to express!  Most of all we know and are striving to teach you, that if you listen to the Lord He will do amazing things with you! 

Mommy

HCG Diet- day 5

   Well, hopefully, you are about to start seeing less and less of us.  Jackie and I have started the HCG diet and are on day 3 of the calorie restriction phase.  Since the beginning of December I've lost 19 pounds and Jackie has lost 10.  Three of those pounds came from our first two days on the diet.  Last night we measured our bodies.  So, in one week we can see how many inches we have lost. 
   So is this diet hard?  Well yes!  It's terrible because I'm obviously no good at self control and denying my flesh.  So this has been a struggle and will be an interesting journey.  I've prayed so much the last two days.  Yesterday I was so hungry, I was trying so hard to be good so I didn't indulge in the homemade waffles for breakfast that I made for the kids.  Instead on the way to work I pulled into taco bueno and got one taco and one small bean burrito.  I did skip the coke, even though I was CRAVING one!  So, then last night when I got home I was frustrated because I didn't lose any weight that day.  So I looked up the nutrition facts for that burrito and taco.  800 calories!!  What?!?!?!?!?!  That's insane!  Should have had the waffles! I was trying hard to make a good choice.  I've got to stop eating out.  I need some sort of glasses that will block all the restaurants from my view as I drive down the road. 
   For supper last night I made very lean steak and 3 kinds of bell peppers in lettuce wraps.  It was so yummy!  No butter, oil, or extra fat!  Just put the peppers and the meat in a skillet with cumin, chili powder, salt and pepper.  Then we divided it into 4 portions, so we have lunch for today too!  Supper was around 400 calories.  I did have a slice of bread and a candy cane as a snack after I discovered the lunch I had was 800 calories, kinda fell off the deep end. 
   But, today is a new day.  I'm once again stepping out in faith and going to try again.  I really want to be under 200 pounds by spring break.  I haven't been under 200 pounds since I was in high school!!  My best friend Tobi is getting married in July and I really would like to be at about 180 or so by then!  That's two rounds of drops.  But right now I'm just focusing on one day, TODAY!  And crying out to God for the strength and courage to make it through today.  One day, one choice at a time!

Here's my before pic: (After pic to come in about 37 more days!)