Earrings!!

For about 8 months, we had a deal with Madyson that if she could go seven straight days without a fit, we would let her pierce her ears. Is that bribery? I don't know, but if you know what it was like for her you will understand why it took her eight months to do it. She has come so far in the last two years. Self-control and being able to regulate her emotions were skills that she did not have at all. God has done a tremendous healing in her body, heart, and spirit. So before Christmas we got her ears pierced!!
She had her ears pierced at one time before we got her. They weren't done properly and it was a very painful memory for her. As we got them pierced, she was scared. Mostly because of the past experience. After the first ear, she wanted to look at it. She began to cry. I knew what she was thinking, but the lady did not. She asked her if she was ok. Mady began to tell her how the earring covered up the old hole and covered up the scar of her past that was on her body. As the lady pierced mady's other ear. Mady began to share her story. By the time she was done the lady was in tears. There is nothing more amazing than to hear a six year old girl tell a perfect stranger how God rescued her and is healing all her scars.
She can now change them out and is loving it!! It had been like a bond lifted off her. I honestly can't remember the last screaming fit she had and that's a miracle!! So when I say God is healing kids, He really is!!

Goofing off in Lubbock

Taylor had a check up with her asthma/allergy dr. After it was all over, we went for a treat and some silly time. Here are the results:

Say bye-bye tonsils!

Cameron had his tonsils removed in January. He did great. He was nervous before the surgery, but he did awesome. He asked the dr questions and was very informed about the procedure. When he woke up from surgery I was not in the room yet, and there were different nurses in the room so he got a little scared. He also threw up a few times in recovery. After he got home, he did awesome! He was an amazing patient. He took great care of himself. He has been sleeping SO much better its amazing. He has so much more energy and is in a better mood most of the time. It was totally worth doing it! So proud of this guy and how he smiled through the tough stuff and was so brave!

Happy birthday Taylor

On the day before Taylor's birthday we had a serious heart to heart talk. She was sitting on the kitchen counter watching me cook like she has done ever since she was able to sit up there. We were talking about her birthday and I was seriously trying to talk her into skipping her birthday and just staying 5 for a while longer. She wrapped her arms around my neck, looked deep into my eyes and said, "Mommy, birthdays come and birthdays go. It will be ok."
I laughed so hard tears were in my eyes. How can this tiny girl be growing up so fast? She has had a bit of a transition time lately and it has been tough. She has been dealing with some real hurts and asking deep questions about them. I'm so proud of her ability to think things through.
She is so smart and well beyond her years. She loves to read and reads so well. She loves dance and art. She is friendly and fiercely protective of her family. She has given and shared so much of her life. More than most people do in a life time. I know God will use her to do amazing things, like he already has.
She loves to sing and makes up great praise songs. She plays with her dolls and is always willing to try anything the boys can do. She swims like a fish, can ride her bike completely without training wheels, and loves to roller skate.
Tying her shoes and brushing her hair are major frustrations for her still. :) It also takes forever to get a picture because she won't look into the camera. I am so proud she's so independent and strong. But I melt when she still needs my help every now and then. :)
She still loves mommy and thinks her daddy hung the moon. I am so beyond grateful for their relationship. Jackie takes her on dates, dances in the living room, and always lets her sneak in for one more goodnight hug and kiss. She loves to hear stories about when she was a baby and a little girl. We tell them over and over and she never gets tired of them.
If I would have realized how fast time flies I would have held her just a little longer when she was a baby. But, I adore this stage she's in. I always think each year is better than the last. I can't wait to see all the fun year 6 has is store for us!!

Pinewood derby

This year for the pinewood derby we all made cars. We had a great time painting them and getting them all ready. None of us won a race, but Cameron's car was voted coolest car!! He was so exited!! It was extra special because he really did design it all by himself! This is one proud Mama!!

Girl Scouts

Taylor and Madyson are Daisy scouts this year. They are having a blast doing it too!
The girls had a tea party to practice being patient and kind and using their manners. All the girls dress up and it was so much fun!

The blizzard of 2013

We had a big blizzard that dropped 19 inches of snow. It was gusting up to 75 miles an hour and falling hard, with drifts as tall as the houses! We got to have two snow days with Dad! The kids had a blast. We played in the snow, made snow ice cream, snow ball fights, a snowman, a tunnel, sliding down drifts, and lots of games and movies. The boys even shoveled snow!
We played a new game called twister hoopla. It was awesome!! The kids loved it and Jackie and I won the team round! Miss v did great and we all laughed and laughed!! I love the snow, but I'm glad it's not always that messy around here!

Ballet

The girls have been so excited about starting their ballet class. They got their leotards, shoes, and leg warmers for Christmas. They have asked almost everyday if they could wear them. Every day I had to tell them no.
At last, it was finally time! We got up early, got dressed, and looked up on YouTube videos of how to do a bun with short hair. They loved class! Their teacher is amazing. She talks to the girls about how to dance as a form of worship.
After their class, we had to go to the library to check out some ballet books. The girls read them over and over and practiced and studied the positions. It was one of the most adorable things I have ever seen! It made me remember one of the reasons we chose homeschooling. So the kids could study things that interest them. So they could learn how to discover information on their own.
The girls have given numerous recitals, even their barbies give ballet recitals now. I will officially be the coolest mom on the planet when I get the movie, "barbie and the pink shoes."

Swim time

Our kids love the pool! Taylor has always been part-fish. :) we went swimming four times this weekend and then again today. Swimming is a great way to help with trust and bonding, as well as strengthening the physical muscles.
When we first got Cameron, Michael, and Madyson they were so deathly afraid of the water. We spent so much time in the pool overcoming those fears. It's one of the coolest things to see them swim now. They do tricks off the diving board and can really move through the water. It's an amazing testimony to God's faithfulness and healing!!
So we have been working on those same things with miss V. The water has been so scary to her. However, this weekend she actually put her face all the way under the water on purpose!! Tonight, she used a pool noodle and kicked her legs and actually stayed afloat even after I let go!! Wow!!!
We have been reciting Isaiah 41:10 while we are swimming. "So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
This weekend as we were swimming I wondered how many times I fight the urge to trust God. He's right there ready to catch me. Even though it seems scary and overwhelming, I can trust that He is right there ready to catch me before I sink. Is as I talked her through our pool time tonight, I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart that same verse of calm reassurance.

Brutal honesty

Life has been very wild the last few months in our house. There have been so many struggles it has felt like we are again in the throws of battle. I would love to say the struggles are all because of the kids, but if I am truly honest, most of the battles deal with my own selfishness.
Six months ago we agreed to an emergency foster placement for 4-6 weeks. I did mention that was 6 months ago right?? Miss V is high- spirited, loving, silly, and down right precious. Now everyone can see those things. What is not seen behind closed doors are the struggles she has with authority, bonding, obeying simple instructions, and controlling the level of her voice. See miss v was placed into foster care when she was 2 years old. We are the fifth placement she has had. Fifth! It's a terrible situation and a total fail of the system. Each move has valid reasons and a laundry list of excuses behind it. However, in the midst of all those moves there are key developmental stages (like toilet training, trusting of an adult, sharing, waiting, whispering, cleaning up, running, holding a pencil, learning letters, reading stories, I can keep going and going) that this little girl missed. That makes certain activities and family functioning very difficult at points.
Couple these skipped stages with the other issues of our kids and it feels like a melting pot of chaos on most days. See we have spent the last two years with three amazing kids and working through missed milestones. If I'm really honest, most of my frustration with miss v is because I'm tired. I'm tired of temper tantrums in stores, I'm tired of toilet accidents, I'm tired of bad dreams and screaming fits, and I'm tired of being unwilling to try new situation.
See I fully understand these things are part of having a life with small kids. However, we have endured two solid years of these Things. Two years of working to undo years of horrible abuse and wrongdoings. Two years of not sleeping a whole night alone with my husband all night without having a child come in from a bad dream or memory or accident. Two years of it times 4 kids who have been through things my mind can not even imagine. And add in Taylor, who has given up a "normal" childhood because of it. The only thing that has carried us this far is the support of our friends and family and knowing that God has called us to this work and specifically brought our family together.
We don't know what placement arrangements will be in miss v's future. There are a lot of people who make decisions on her behalf that never see her, never talk to us and that is another struggle you face when you are involved in this process. We do feel love for her and attachment to her. We know she feels it for us. I don't think another move is in her best interest. I also want to be selfish on those bad days and throw up my hands and say I don't have to do this, I've already done enough. I know I have lots of people in my life who mean well. They have good intentions and genuinely care
about me and my family. However, they have no idea how to talk to a mother going through my situation. I know I don't have to do this. We are doing it because we believe with every fiber of our being that we as Christians are called to take care of orphans and love the least among us. I don't need people reminding me that its hard and foster care kids come with baggage. Are you kidding me? We know all about baggage and still we can see past it. I don't need people reminding me my marriage can and will struggle because of our kids. We know that. We have to work extra hard at keeping our marriage healthy. We have to work extra hard to not blame each other for the chaos in our home on a regular basis.
I need people to come along side me and just walk through this with us. I need people to just show up to help or to take a kid or two for a special treat. I need people who won't get scared or overwhelmed when I need to really talk about what our real everyday life with our kids is like. I need people who understand why homeschooling is so important to the development of our kids, and how we are trying to make up for lost time. I need people who understand what I mean when I say, I'm tired and I don't know if I want to do this anymore. Most of all we need people battle with our family in prayer. Seeking God favor on our family and praying for things I may not think of praying for our family about. People who will genuinely spend time praying over each of our kids, our marriage, and our roles as parents.
I'm frustrated with constant fighting. Im tired of constantly having cps people in my house. i want to hole up my family and Never let another worker in our house. I'm tired of paperwork. I'm tired of having to document every scratch, bruise, and bump. I'm frustrated with going to the store and constantly having to say put that down, don't touch, please sit in the basket. I am beyond frustrated with the question, are all those kids yours? I want to slap people when they say that, especially right In front of the kids!! I am so frustrated by not being able to go to the bathroom without being interrupted. I haven't been able to poop in peace alone, for two years!
Most of the struggles have been because of my own struggle with selfishness and a sense of entitlement. See I have listened to those voices saying wow, I couldn't do what you do. I wouldn't want to give up so much. Or I don't know how you homeschool, I need a break from my kids. All those sayings, even if they are from well meaning people, have become the voice of the enemy in my life. I have not given up too much, I have not endured enough, I have not suffered enough for the gospel. God gave me this life to bring glory to Him. I want to be able to see Him in heaven and be able to show my life as a true testimony of what The Lord accomplished through a willing life.
See because deep down, God placed a passion for adoption and for loving kids in our hearts. Deep down we will always keep doing it. Deep down we love and protect our marriage. Deep down I know Taylor will be a better person for all God had brought her through and she will be blessed for what she has been willing to sacrifice at such a young age. Deep down we will make it even if people don't offer to babysit, or help fold laundry, or drive a kid to a practice for me. The Lord will give us all we need to accomplish what He has called us to do. He will not bring us to this place and abandon us. We might have to wonder around like the children of Israel in the dessert for a while, but He provides manna, water, shoes that don't wear out, all the things necessary to complete the work and someday we Will see the promised land!
So right now we are in the dessert. I know God is leading us, I know He is providing for us in ways I overlook and take for granted, and I know this season will pass and we will move on to another season. And I know someday I will look back and realize this season was bad but it was also a season full of growth and learning, and rejoice that we made it through stronger and a better family!!

Visiting Memaw

This year my grandmother, Memaw, turned an amazing 80 years old. For the last 6 years she has had Alzheimer's. It had been so hard to see her be trapped by her own mind. I miss watching get sew, the taste of her perfect salmon patties, and so many other little things. We are lucky that we are so close and get to visit often. The kids like going to see her and each time we visit they do a better job of visiting with the other residents.
Occasionally when we visit she will recognize us and for a few minutes its like she's back. She will make jokes, give you a tight squeeze, and she will remember that Taylor is named after her. Those days are precious and treasured!
I love to be able to share memories of my grandparents with my kids. I know how blessed I was to be able to have both sets of my grandparents so involved in my life. And I'm so thankful for those sweet memories. I pray that along with her name, Taylor inherits her strength, love, giving heart, and endurance. We love you Memaw!