Lately-chaos, but lots of fun too!!

 Time for the quarterly post!  Seriously, the past few months have been so incredibly busy I can't even begin to describe it.  Only 21 more days of student teaching!!  CAN'T WAIT!!  It's been a great experience, but it's had a lot of sacrifices along with it. 
   Lots of fun things have happened too!  My Granddad and Aunt Allene came down this past weekend.  I always LOVE to see them.  This was the first time for them to meet all the kids.  It was so much fun, but it made me miss my Grandmother so much.  It was the first real visit without her.  It was so sweet to remember all the amazing memories and get to share them with my kids.  She would have LOVED to see them all laughing and playing and acting crazy.  She loved kids.  I know I am so blessed to have known her, but I do miss her a lot!
   Taylor was the most excited to see "Other Granddad" and "Aunt Al."  The whole drive over to my parents she kept telling the other kids how cool they were and how funny they were. 

 I love this picture because we actually have some kind of a smile on all our faces! 

You can definately tell that I look a lot like my dad here!  Actually not a bad picture of me! :)

The kids had to get in on the pictures.  We always have to have a silly face picture.  They have the funniest faces.  The best part was Mr O was CRACKING up!  The picture was hilarious!

The picture shows just how much Taylor LOVES her "Other Granddad!"

I love this picture of all them.  They had a great time meeting him.  Mr C really liked "Other Granddad." 

At the beginning of October, we went to Lubbock for a birthday party.  Of course we had to stop at Texas Tech and take some pictures.  It was a beautiful day.  The pictures turned out pretty good.  Especially since I'm a complete amature. 

The kids are not mooning you, I promise!  They were all looking into the water and it was the perfect chance to snap a picture that I didn't have to block out! 

I so wish Taylor was looking at the camera because everyone else has great smiles here!

Mr M and Mr O are both in Cub Scouts this year.  Jackie has been in charge of helping them.  Mr M earned his Bobcat badge!  He was so proud of himself!  It's so neat to see them so happy and proud of themselves.  We are praying it really helps build some self-confidence in our boys.  On Saturday, they were in a Veteran's Day parade.  They did so good and looked so sharp in their uniforms.  It was their first time to really wear the uniform.  They were freezing, but looked so handsome!

We are exhausted, but we are doing good.  We had a really rough patch for a few weeks.  However, I really feel like we are headed for happier days.  Jackie and I have been working so hard and have been staying swamped.  However, once school is over we will be so happy.  I can not believe that I'm actually 4 weeks away from having a college degree!  I never thought it would happen.  My husband has been so amazing through this whole process.  He has went to bed alone while I worked, changed dirty diapers while I was right in the middle of a paper, folded the laundry so I could go to the library, cleaned the house so I could spend time observing in a classroom, and believed in me when I was so discouraged I didn't think I would ever finish.  Without him and his amazing support, there is NO way I could have done this.  Thank you, Jackie!  You are amazing and I can't wait to celebrate this accomplishment with you and hang that silly piece of paper on our wall!  :)

Summer Fun!

So, we have not fallen off the face of the Earth.  However, if you might think that do to the complete lack of blog posts.  We all know that I am not the best at posting frequently on here.  Now that I have to block out the kids' faces, well, it makes it even harder!  I hate that I can't show you their smiling faces or share their names.  I know it's for their protection, but I really want to show them off!! :)

How are we doing?  Well, it's constant going and going at our house.  It's constant noise.  It's constant . . .We have case worker visits, and therapist visits, and CASA visits, and counselor visits, and phone calls, and constant interruptions.  It gets overwhelming.  I have felt at my wit's end more in the last 4 months than ever in my entire life.  I have questioned God over and over as to why He brought us here.  The hardest part is in dealing with our 5 year old boy.  He has suffered the most abuse.  He has such fits of anger, they are scary sometimes.  I get so angry at his birth family for all the things they did to him.  I don't even pretend to understand why this happened.  It's so hard when he asks me why they hurt him.  I just tell him I don't know, but we are going to protect you and keep you as long as possible.  There are so many what-ifs.  They are overwhelming.  I can't even think about them.  The other Mom's in our "family" are such an amazing support system.  We have all had panic days, but it's so helpful that we have each other to talk to.  There is no possible way we could do this without their support.  We never seem to have panic days at the same time.  I know that's God's helping hand! 

The kids have made amazing progress in the last 4 months.  They are getting along better and not physically fighting all the time.  They make their beds, pick up their toys, take showers, clean their plates, and use their manners (most of the time).  This is a HUGE deal!!  We have got to do some awesome things this summer, had to miss out on a few things because of behavior problems, but overall we had an awesome summer of adventure and laughter!

 June was spent just getting used to being at home all together.  We spent a lot of time at church delivering lunches.  The kids worked so hard and had a blast helping Jackie.  The loved getting to know the groups and spending time with the youth.  I spent most of June trying to come up with a system for keeping our house somewhat organized and clean.  I actually have very few pictures from June.  The kids got to go to two summer camps.  The first one was Angel Tree.  They loved it.  Then we took 60 kids for a week long camp in Oklahoma.  It was crazy because we had to drive back in the middle of it for a very important doctor visit and for two CPS classes.  It was a very fun camp.  The very best part was the Friday night baptism service.  Taylor and Mr. M both were baptized.  Taylor has been talking with us about getting baptized for quite some time now.  She has been asking and asking questions and wanting to be baptized.  At camp, she said, "Mommy I'm ready.  I know what I'm doing."  So, Jackie and I talked with her some more.  Honestly, I know she was ready.  She was so brave and excited.  She still talks about it and remembers it.  It was the best moment of my life!  I am so proud of her and the example she is already, even at such a young age. 

July was AWESOME!!  We started off the month with a great vacation to Oklahoma.  We went camping for 5 days.  We took our 5 kids, plus one other.  It was crazy, but so much fun!  We would get up, make breakfast and then go swimming.  Then we would eat lunch, drive around to cool off, then get back into the water.  We found the perfect swimming hole that was shaded and also had lots of places for the kids to jump into the water.  It was a perfect getaway.  I did not take pictures because we were too busy enjoying the kids!  The weather was HOT, but the water was so nice. 

When we got home, Jackie and the kids finally finished the porch!  It's amazing!  Jackie hung a swing and got a big table.  It's perfect for enjoying outside.  He also built me a pergola!  It's in the back corner of the fence and we have some plants, a firepit, and a swing out there.  It's so nice when we actually have a free moment to have a place to relax.

After the kids worked so hard roofing, we set up the water slide and they had a blast!

I know it doesn't do justice to the great time we had with the blocked out faces.  Hopefully someday we will be able to share their smiles with you!  Jackie and I went to a wedding for my long-time friend Tobi.  It was a quick trip.  We were so tired when we got home.  I had a great birthday!  Jackie arranged for some friends to come spend the night with our kids so we could have an all-night date!  We ate dinner at Texas Roadhouse (where we had our first date).  And then we went out for dessert late at Applebee's.  It was so much fun.  Too bad birthdays are only once a year! 

Then I took off to Colorado with the youth group for youth camp.  It was amazing.  I'm so impressed with our youth and I LOVE getting to spend time talking and hanging out with them.  Our camp was in Pagosa Springs and it was beautiful.  I have decided this is our next vacation spot for sure!

This week is the last week of summer.  We have decided to make the most of it!  Saturday we went to Wonderland.  It was crazy expensive, but it was so worth it!  The kids had so much fun! 

We closed the place down.  We rode so many rides it was crazy.  The kids were great sports and waited patiently in line.  There were only two times we had to get on to them.  It was an amazingly fun time and the weather was perfect!

Sunday night we went to the drive-in and watched Smurfs and Cars 2.  We went with another family and we had a great time.  The weather was awesome and the movies were both good.  We got home about 1:15 and every single one of our kids were still awake.  So much for getting used to going to bed early to get ready for school. :)

Today we went to the zoo.  The kids had a good time.  It was so hot that the animals weren't really doing anything but laying around trying to stay cool.  The tigers were really moving around so that was the best part.  Then we went and played at the playground for a little while. 

Who know what the rest of the week hold for us, but we are going to soak up every last minute of summer for sure!!

A Very Special Time

On Easter Sunday our oldest, "Mr. O" made the decision to be baptized.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves the Lord.  I know that Jesus is living in his little heart and that he is looking to the Lord for guidance.  It was the most amazing thing I have witnessed.  It was amazing to see him stepping up and making a profession of his faith.  It was also so sweet to see my husband be able to tell the church about him and to baptize him.  I don't know if there is a sweeter moment in the life of a parent!

Yesterday was almost as sweet.  I still remember the first time I was able to take communion.  I had grown up in church my whole life.  All my grandparents went to church.  I had seen it hundreds of times and passed the plate right by.  I remember feeling so nervous.  At that time, our youth group sat at the very front of the church (like the VERY front three rows).  I was sitting on the very edge of the aisle.  When the plate came, I reached in and broke off a piece of a cracker.  I remember thinking I have something special now.  I also remember thinking ok, now what do I do?  I was scared and excited all at the same time.  It felt like every eye in the church was on me looking to see if I made a mistake.  The first time for me was more about "doing" it right, than focusing on the Lord and what He did for me.  I wanted to be with someone who would guide me and show me what to do, even though I had seen it hundreds of times.

Yesterday was "Mr.O"'s first time to take communion.  When Donnie got up to talk about what communion is, Mr O was sitting with some friends.  As Donnie started talking, Mr. O rushed across the auditorium to sit with us.  He wanted to be near us.  (I remember feeling the same way, but you didn't dare get up during communion at our church!)  He stood right by me as we listened and prayed together.  Then we walked up to the front and got our juice and crackers and sat back down. 

***Yesterday was another day that I was so thankful that we are a part of Citychurch.  Instead of just passing the trays around like traditional churches, we take communion by families.  Each family gets their juice and crackers and then can go to whatever part of the room they want.  We all get a chance to talk to our kids about what communion is and what it really means.  This gives parents a chance to be the spiritual heroes of their kids.*** 

Jackie and I got to talk to Mr O and the rest of our kids about what the significance of each part of the Lord's Supper is.  It was such a sweet time.  At that moment I really felt God's presence.  I hope Mr O will always remember that time.  I hope he will remember the sweetness of the moment and not a sense of fear.

Easter 2011

Oh how I wish I could share the beautiful faces of my kids with you!  They are so wonderful and we are so blessed by them!  Everyday they say things that suprise me and make me smile!  This Easter was the best one ever!  It was so much fun to get dressed up and share the special day with my family!  We sang so many of my favorite songs!  The lyrics, "He has brought me out of the pit" and "He has heard my cry" have a whole new meaning while my arms were wrapped around two of my precious boys. :)

Painting Time

One of the first activites we did as a group was paint.  The kids LOVED it!  They were so creative and funny.  We mixed colors and made our own.  Each table had their own plate of paint . . .

Taylor was experienced at painting, so she dove right in.  The others took a while to get started. 

They painted all sorts of things.  Then they changed them into other things.

It was so much fun!  They did get a little messy, but they loved it!  I remember sitting at the table when I was a little girl painting with my mom.  It was great to create fun memories with my new family!

Changes and sweet memories!

 Wow, life is so different than it was 5 days ago.  Our house is full!  Wednesday night our family went from three to seven!  We have Taylor and now 4 other kids that we love dearly. 
     Wednesday morning I rushed around getting ready for a presentation at school.  When I got out of class, I called Jackie to tell him I was on my way to pick up Taylor.  He told me that CPS was taking custody of 7 precious babies from our chuch and school.  These kids are amazing!  They have spent quite a bit of time with us.  As we were beginning to get to know them, we had them come stay for the weekends to get them out of their environment.  The more time together, the more we realized things were wrong at their home.  We didn't know what, we just had a bad feeling and knew we needed to pray.  Jackie and I had been praying for these sweet kids for many months.  Asking God to protect them and to help the parents.  Wednesday when he told me they were being taken into custody, I felt relief.  That relief was followed by panic, "where will they go?  Will I get to see them again?"  Then Jackie told me he talked with the case worker and told her we would be willing to take them.  I started to cry.  Tears of hope, was the Lord answering my prayers?  (See Jackie and I have been praying for more kids for about 2 and a half years.  We keep an extra room with a bed ready in case it's needed.  We stand at the door and ask God to please fill it with another child.  When someone new comes to visit, we always show them around and tell them about our prayer for that room.)  I drove to church praying the whole way.  Asking God to please be with the case workers and guide them as they make such important decisions for these kids.  I got to hug the kids and tell them I loved them as they left with the case workers.  Then in Diana's office, Jackie and I hugged and I just started crying.  I was so glad they weren't going home, yet I didn't want this to be the end of their story with us, we were invested. 
   Jackie and Dawnette were so calm.  At least, they were on the outside.  I asked everyone I passed to please pray for these sweet kids and that they would come live with us.  I went home and put Taylor down for a nap, and told her to pray too.  Then I sat on the couch and told God, "I'm gonna sit here and pray about these kids until I really feel like you have heard me."  That was about 12:15 or so, at 3 I got up, confident God had heard me.  We picked up kids and had a great kids night.  About 7 or so, the case worker called us and asked what time we could come and get the 4 older kids  The baby was going with Wes and Tiffany and the middle kids with Greg and Dawnette.  Jackie and I hugged right there in the middle of the street! 
   We all drove kids home and scurried around town getting cars and car seats together.  About 8:30 we all met outside the CPS office.  Before we went in we all stopped and prayed.  See, that's the kind of people we have for friends.  Not only are they willing to open their homes, but they took time to ask God's favor on our decisions.
   The case workers divided us up to get paperwork together.  Then we all 6 crowded in one tiny office to hear the most horrible things I have ever heard.  There was not a dry eye in the room.  None of us could imagine what had been happening to these sweet kids.  Normally CPS's first goal is reunification with the parents.  The case worker told us they were pushing for terminitaion of rights.  We all took a deep breath and composed ourselves because we were going to get the kids. 
   Now, about 1 minute after the most horrible thing I had ever heard was said, the best thing I have ever heard was said!  The kids ran down the hallway jumping for joy!  They tackled Jackie with hugs and we were all smothered with love!  See in the midst of the terrible stuff, God was raising up joy.  They said, "we've been waiting all day for you!"  Little did they know how long we have been waiting for them! 
   That night as Jackie and I got everyone ready for bed I told him, "The God of the whole universe, just heard and answered my prayer!"  That is the most amazing feeling ever!  I will never forget that feeling when I wrapped up these kids and put them in the van and took them home. 
   See, that's what God does for us.  He picks us up out of the horrible stuff in our lives, wraps us up and carries us home.  The whole time we think we've been waiting for Him, but He's been waiting for us!  That night I couldn't sleep, everytime I closed my eyes those horrible images flashed in my mind.  I got up everytime and went to the living room were they were all camped out on pallets and started praying over them.  I refuse to let Satan have a strong hold in our family.  Yes, the beginning of their stories are horrible, but they are not finished!  God is not finished!  We are not finished!  Our God is a God who saves and restores!!

Here are a few things I have learned over the past 4 days.
1.  Always wear shoes into the bathroom whenever you have 3 little boys.
2.  Laundry multiplies.
3.  Storage totes are a gift from the Lord!
4.  Girls are SO different than boys.  With girls lipstick fixes everything, that doesn't work for boys!
5.  Ice packs and kisses cure most of the hurts.
6.  The toy aisles are to avoided at all costs!
7.  Every boy needs a belt, and every girl needs dress up shoes.
8.  There is ALWAYS a line at the bathroom. 
9.  We have amazing friends who are supporting us in ways we will never be able to fully realize.  Every time we have needed something, it has walked right through the door.  There are people all over the country praying for us and our kids.
10.  Walk into a restaurant with 5 kids all around the same age and people look at you like, "don't you know where babies come from woman!"
11.  Even the rowdiest boys and the screaming-est girls still love to crawl up into your lap.  Sometimes we all need a hug.

Today we had a wonderful Easter.  We got to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus and the new chapter of these kids lives!  The oldest one made the decision to be baptized.  It was an amazing moment.  I know that boy loves the Lord.  He is brave and strong.  He stepped out and told the truth and he saved his brothers and sisters.  He is my hero.

Everyone always asks how's Taylor taking all of this.  She has been a part of our praying for more kids since the very beginning.  She prays for brothers or sisters all the time.  The first night when I was tucking her in she said, "Mommy God answered our prayer!"  Then we had some people bring some stuff to the house and they asked her what she thought about all these new kids sharing her stuff and she said, "but they are our kids!"  She has such a loving heart and it's been amazing to see how she is willing to share, that's not easy for a 4 year old.

There have been too many sweet moments to count.  My heart is overflowing with love and joy!  I know hard times will come, but I know the Lord will provide the patience, wisdom and love to get through them.  Yesterday one of the boys and I were having a talk after he had to have a time-out for hitting.  We started talking about making choices and about how things are different at our house than his old house.  I told him, I know it's gonna be hard.  But God gives us strength whenever we ask for it.  I'm right here beside you and I'll go through this with you.  He looked up at me and said "I know you will.  I'm so glad you love me and are here to keep me safe!"  We had a huge bear hug and then he put a smile on his face, got up and apologized to who he hit.  He knew he was loved, mission accomplished!

Scissors DRAMA!

Yesterday was a peaceful, relaxing day until about 2:15.  I walked into Taylor's room to make sure she was following directions and was sleeping.  I opened the door, and saw her bed was covered with brown HAIR!!  My eyes just about popped out of my head!  She had cut her hair!!

When she looked in the mirror, she started crying.  I told her we were going to have to cut her hair and she started crying harder. She kept saying, "I don't want to look like a boy!  I don't want to wear headbands, I want to wear bows!"  At that point, I started laughing like crazy!  I think every little girl does this to her hair at some point.  We did learn a big lesson though, no scissors.

My dear friend Carrie saved the day and fixed her all up!  She met us at her shop and Taylor did great!  She did ask Carrie to make sure and not cut her hair to look like her Daddy's. 

The new doo!  I think it looks pretty cute, and a lot healthier!

On a side note, while we were getting Taylor's hair cut she saw a picture of Elvis Presley and asked, "Is that Justin Beiber?"  WHAT??!!?!?!? NO!  That's Elvis.  So, did my grandparents feel about Elvis the way I feel about Justin Beiber?  Probably so!  Still it was funny!

PROGRESS!!!

Our backyard looks like this . . .

BUT, our porch looks like this!!!!

My husband is so talented!  It looks great and I can't wait until it's finished!!!!

Cookie Time!!

Today was another Sick day for Taylor.  We worked hard on cleaning her room and sorting through her clothes and getting the too small stuff out.  She worked so hard and did everything I asked her to do!  So, we decided to do something fun!  Make cookies! 

She was sneaking bites of the dough.  She did a great job rolling out the dough and cutting the shapes.

See that smile?  That's how I know we are making a good decision about me staying home!

Cookies after they were cut, baked, but before the icing!



We made flowers, hearts, and Gingerbread boys.  Guess I need to get some more cookie cutters that aren't Christmas-themed!

She had a great time and did a great job icing the cookies!  They turned out good and suprisingly we didn't make too much of a mess.  We did lick the icing a few times!

Taylor's work in progress!

Final product!  Of course her cookies had to have sprinkles!  I can't wait to taste one!

Strolling vs Running, the next chapter

   See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry . . .    Matthew 6:28-31

   I am so in love with my daughter it's unbelievable.  The last four years have been an incredible journey.  The Lord has taken us through so many seasons.  I can look back and wonder how on Earth did we make it through that and I can see God at work in our lives like I never have been able to see before.  I have wanted to be a mother for SO long.  I can remember being about 5 and holding my cabbage patch doll with blonde hair and thinking about being a Mommy some day.  At that time and for many years to come, I was thinking about bows and diapers and little bitty clothes and snuggling and rocking this sweet little baby to sleep.  Fast forward to now, now I am awake in the middle of the night thinking about Barbies, teenage years, self-esteem, and loving God.  For the last two years I have been pushing Taylor to be better and smarter and older and quicker and so many other things.  Those things are all important, but I have forgotten that she is so little. 
   When I met Jackie, I was hurt and scarred SO deeply.  The Lord brought him at just the right moment and healed so many wounds.  Taylor needed a Daddy, a man who would love her and treasure her.  She got so much more than that and so did I.  I needed to hear that I could accomplish things, I needed to hear positive words from someone I loved and trusted.  I was lost and felt like a failure.  Jackie has stood right by my side as I burned the candle at both ends and drove us crazy.  I worked full-time, went to school full-time, was a wife, a mother, Sunday school teacher, and volunteer for work committees, and whatever else I could get us into.  I have been a good Mommy.  I have rocked that baby, read to her, made sure she had good food, clothes, and am teaching her to love the Lord.  I haven't been perfect, in no way close.  I have put other things first and I'm ready to stop doing that!
   Taylor is smart.  Every parent thinks that about their kids, I know.  But really she is smart, gifted.  She just turned 4 and is starting to show signs of reading.  There are so many things she can do and she's so "old" for her age, I have forgotten how small she really is. 
   We also LOVE her school.  We believe in it's mission, adore the teachers and principal.  We support it, I'd love to teach there someday.  However, it has been a huge struggle for us since August.  Taylor has had a hard time adapting.  She did at her daycares too, I just didn't see it as much.  Now she talks more and tells me more how she's feeling so it's so much more apparent to me.  The Lord provided the school at just the right moment for us.  In August, when I went from full to part time, the money we saved over her daycare was exactly my cut in pay.  Almost to the penny.  THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT. 
   Jackie and I have really been spending time in prayer asking God for a mission for our family.  We have been really turning our lives over to Him in surrender.  We have always loved the Lord and wanted to do His work.  But we are stepping in faith to follow where the Lord is gonna take us.  He has given us this amazing passion about fostering kids.  His handprints have been all over the process so far!  The last two weeks, God has been speaking to us individually about our family.  Jackie, Taylor, and me.  Last week Jackie and I met for breakfast and shared what God was laying on our hearts.  God has given us both the desire for me to be at home.  We sat down and planned a budget for me to be able to do so this summer. 
   We were both on board and excited about our new plans.  Then God said, "Ok, you get my vision, you're trusting in Me.  Now, let's do it on my time table not yours!"  He didn't really speak that, but that's how I imagine He would have said it to me!  :) 
   Taylor has had her name on the board at school almost every day in February.  Two days she didn't since January 27.  I don't even remember how many days in January, but I know it was a bunch.  It's all for little things.  Things that are important for a teacher and a school, but not really so much for my daughter and as a parent.  We have been backing up the teacher and the school policies and trying to reinforce it at home.  Taylor is strong-willed and determined so we know that we really have to focus on the behavior if we want it to change.  So, when she got her name on the board, no fancy snack after school, no movies and early to bed.  With my new position I get home from work at 6:30.  Make dinner, give her a bath, and then it's bed time.  So I had about 2 hours a day with her.  How can I possibly be a godly mother with just two hours a day? 
   Thursday was the end.  Jackie and I both had a little break down and knew that this was not working.  I have been putting other things before my family.  Jackie has been so helpful and doing a lot of the housework because I have been gone.  It's taking it's toll on him.  I used to always believe in both people doing equal shares of the housework.  I'm not crazy, but I really believe that the Lord calls the woman to take care of the home.  He gives me the eye for the detail that even though my husband is so wonderful, he just doesn't have.  So we both just prayed and asked the Lord whole-heartedly for a solution.  He gave us one.  I put in my two weeks' notice at work today.  I can no longer keep running at this pace.  It's affecting my family in too many ways.  I was too stubborn and selfish to see it in the beginning.  But I feel like if I didn't have that time to heal and gain the confidence there would be no way we could take this step of faith now. 
   I started working because I had to.  I was a single mother who was proud and needed to earn money to feed and diaper this little baby.  Taylor was only 7 months old when I started work.  She was so little.  My mom was a huge blessing and took care of her so I could work and get on my feet.  Taylor went to daycare after her first birthday.  I remember the days leaving her screaming while I was crying all the way to work.  She was telling me I'm not ready, but I felt like I had no choice.  We switched her to a new daycare after about 7 months.  It was a good decision to switch her but she would still cry when I dropped her off.  She had one fabulous teacher who loved on her.  I hated the feeling of walking off to head to work as my baby was crying.  Jackie and I talked about me quitting work for like one second.  I didn't trust him enough.  Even though we were married, I wasn't ready to relinquish all the power that comes with making your own money to spend.  At this point in our lives, that power is not worth the cost.  Jackie has proved himself over and over again to me and Taylor.  In many areas, he's stronger in his faith than I am and I've been a Christian twice as long.  I have hundreds of examples of times where God has proved Himself over and over again to me!  There is no rational reason for me not to trust that as we step out and follow His plan that He won't bless us and take care of us! 
   We sat down with our tax return, our bills and a budget.  When we first started we needed to cut out 360 dollars a month in expenses.  That's a LOT of money.  It didn't seem possible.  Jackie started praying, "God we are going to do what You want, provide a way for us to do it."  As we began to work and move things around, we could see the number get smaller and smaller.  By the time we were done, we had 43 extra dollars that weren't spent.  That, my friends, is the LORD OF HEAVEN AT WORK!!!  Today, we had a meeting with her teacher and principal.  We will be moving her to just half a day three days a week.  She's so smart and loves her friends so we don't want to take that away completly, but we do want to balance it and take the pressure off.  Her mornings are good, the afternoons are where she gets restless and tired and the trouble begins.  I really feel like this is going to be so positive and a good decision for our family!  I will be able to have more time and that's what we really need now! 
   So the Smith's are slowing down.  No more running, just strolling.  My dad told me the other day to slow down and smell the roses.  He had no idea what was going on.  My sweet friend Cassie wrote two blogs the other day called Attitude Adjustment and From the bottom of my heart. She wasn't writing them to me.  Anna wrote a blog called To do what is right and live without fear, she didn't write it to me either.  My dear friend Chrisitine is always having something in her blog that makes me think about our life choices especially her post about the husbands way back.  Does she write it to me? No, but the Lord used these to speak to me though.  Every sermon, bible study, and song I've heard seems to make my focus go to the family.  Is that luck or fate?  Nope, that's my God giving me direction and reassuring me that He cares about my family!
   So, I'm easing off.  Less pressure.  On Taylor, on Jackie, on me.  Our days are numbered and I'm gonna enjoy it and have more smiles like these . . .

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day used to be one of those days I looked forward too for weeks.  But somehow at the end I always end up disappointed.  Not this year.  I'm not one of those people who hate Valentine's, but I am kinda disliking parts of it.  Today we were taking kids home and there were all these vendors on the streets selling these balloons and huge stuffed animals.  It was crazy.  Do people really need a life-size bear to prove that someone loves them?  I have something better than a crazy stuffed bear and chocolates!

Everyday I wake up with the most wonderful man ever.  He goes to work everyday and does a great job.  He supports me in all the crazy ideas I have.  He is gentle and kind when I probably need a slap across the head.  He is always where he says he will be.  He loves our daughter with his whole heart.  He loves God.  He recognizes the hand of God on our lives and he takes it very seriously.  He understands about forgiveness and grace.  He is willing to give of the money he works so hard to earn because he realizies that it's not ours, it's GOD's.  He's leading us on this amazing faith adventure as we step out to love kids whose biological parents can't.  He is the best thing I could have ever hoped for!  Every day I know he will come home.  I will never again walk into an abandoned house.  God has used him to heal so many deep, deep wounds and to teach me so many things. 

Today in my purse at church he gave me the sweetest card I have ever gotten.  He hand-made it.  It was simple, no elaborate poem or fancy engraving.  But it was honestly the best card I have ever received.  It was from his heart.

So, as I think about tomorrow I don't need/want all that junk.  I have a wonderful man who proves his love everyday.  I don't need a big stuffed animal or flowers that will die in a few days.  I have a deep commited love that is so much stronger than the day we got married.  I get what I used to hope for on Valentine's Day every day of the year!!!

Self-Control

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." -Galatians 5:22-23

From spirithome.com:
When Christians speak of the work of the "Holy Spirit", they are speaking about the operations of the Spirit of God in the material world we live in, and within us. But God the Holy Spirit isn't here just to hang out, or to do a miracle for sport, or bliss someone out for an hour or so. The Spirit is there to cause things to happen in peoples' lives that bring them more in tune with God's purposes on earth (and beyond). Words like 'result' or 'outgrowth' help us little to envision this. When the Spirit starts changing someone, it shows as a growth in character, a change in their way of life that is good for the people they live among. This change in character and way of life is called a 'fruit of the Spirit', like the fruit grown by a tree can feed people and wildlife. From ancient times to today, abundant fruit from an orchard is seen as cause for hope and celebration. Abundant spiritual fruit also breeds hope and is well worth celebrating.

I am so incredibly excited about what this year will bring!  I can just imagine all that will happen.  This year is different than years in the past.  I really feel like the Lord has given me a real vision for this year.  We have decided to do quite a few things differently.  The first thing is our weight loss.  This week was real tough.  We were so excited about all the CPS stuff we ate out a few times to celebrate.  The good thing is we didn't go too far overboard and we didn't gain any weight.  Didn't loose any, but didn't gain any.  This self-control is SO hard for me.  I have really found that the more I talk to God about the struggle and read His word, the easier it gets.  So, here I am again ready to continue on this journey. 

I'm dying to share all that happened at our CPS meeting!  I got off work and Jackie and I went to a wedding reception for a few minutes.  The weather was terrible.  Blowing snow, and a windchill of -26!  We made it to our meeting about 5 minutes late.  (Now, if you know me, you know this is pretty much my norm.  If you know my husband, you know he is very rarely late, and if he is it drives him CRAZY!)  We walked up to the door and it was locked!  I had called earlier to confirm we would be at the meeting.  The wonderful woman told me she would tape her phone number on the glass just in case they couldn't hear us.  The paper fell off the glass upside down.  I could see the paper, but the phone number was not where we could see it!  We began to knock on the windows and ring the doorbell.  But, no answer.  Jackie told me we had to get back in the car.  It was dangerously cold.  Both our hands and noses and ears were bright red and SO cold.  I felt terrible.  I cried.  I was so excited about the meeting and couldn't wait to get started.  Jackie was so calm and didn't say anything about us being late because I wanted to visit at the reception. 

We just sat in the car very quietly.  We waited and waited and waited.  About an hour later, the people began to leave the meeting.  The woman was VERY cautious about letting us in.  We were all bundled up and she couldn't see much of our faces.  I"m sure it was scary because we literally ran to the door when we saw them!  She was so kind though.  She took us back to her office and we got to have a private meeting and ask so many questions.  Earlier that day, I had went to the Texas DPS website and pulled background checks and she was able to look at us right in the eye and say, "It's not a problem!"  A moment of relief and healing came over us right there in the middle of her cubicle!  The Lord answered our prayers completely and totally! 

We got all the first set of paperwork completed.  Including the drawings of our house and lists of all the places we had lived since we were 18.  I've moved 13 times since I was 18.  That's crazy!  We are going to start the classes in May.  We could do it in March, but Jackie has a school class on the same night as one of the CPS classes.  There's not another time we could move his class too.  We are deciding if we should do half in March and the other half in May, or just do all of it in May.  I want to start as soon as possible, but Jackie wants to do it all at one time.  Either way, the process takes about 3-4 months.  So, in about 5 months or so, we could have kids in our home! 

Taylor's appointment with her Asthma/Allergy Specialist went FABULOUS!  She's doing great.  The meds are really helping her.  I'm so proud of her and so thankful she can breathe!

Changes

There are so many things changing in our lives right now.  It's exciting, scary, nerve-wracking, peaceful, and so many other things all at the same time.  Since I began this weight loss journey, I have lost 24 pounds.  That's a big deal!  I am down to 235!!  It's been terribly hard, but I love stepping on the scale and seeing the number go down.  I'm missing pizza, enchilladas, and cokes.  I'm learning to love lettuce, skinny cow fudge pops, teas, and the feeling that I can do it! 

This weekend we were really busy.  Friday night we had a meeting about the biggest dream in our hearts right now.  CityChurch is planning on building a place called Hope Ranch.  Right now in AISD there are over 900 homeless children.  That is a staggering number.  Jackie and I have been really praying for the Lord to give us more children.  This desire for kids is contagious at CityChurch.  There are many other families who have adopted, are adopting, or are considering adopting in the future.  We have a dream, a dream for a neighborhood full of these kids in Christian homes.  Kids who have room to run and play, learn about the God who loves them so much, and to see that life should be different.  We want to give these kids a safe, secure place to do all these things in.  Don always used to say, "Help without hope is no help at all!"  So, we want to give them a place to grow up and to gain this hope.  We envision a tree-lined street with homes on either side, a barn, campfire pit, garden, and a fishing hole.  Jackie and I are going to move there and be house parents.  Not just house parents, but kids' parents. 

Speaking of that, tonight is our first CPS meeting.  We are going to being the process of becoming licensed foster parents with CPS.  We will eventually be able to adopt children through CPS.  It's so exciting!  We are both nervous, but we know that this is what the Lord wants for us.  We are praying for the Lord to begin to equip us.  We know we are lacking in many areas, but most of all we know that "God does not call the equipped, but He equips the called!" 

January 2011

   I'm going to try and put up a post atleast once a month about what we've been doing.  So, January 2011 was a pretty good month for us.  We had some major milestones occur.  Jackie and I began our 3rd year of marriage.  I'm so blessed by this man.  He's encouraging, strong, faithful, loving, caring, and every other nice word you could possibly think up!  He's started working on our new porch.  I have three holes in the backyard and some posts have been purchased.  So, it's progress. 
   School is back in full swing for us.  I'm taking two in class classes and two online classes.  Jackie is taking one night class and then in March he starts a second one.  Pray for him, his math class is college algebra and he's struggling.  I know he can do it.  He's so much smarter than he thinks he is.  He works hard at it dilligently (I always have such a hard time spelling this word!).
   Taylor turned 4 on the 27th!  Where has the time gone?  This pic is from her birthday!  She's a very funny girl.  She's smart and happy most of the time.  She is pretty stong willed.  I love that about her, but it also makes for lots of disclipline time.  She's been doing really good at school lately.  She had a bad day on Wednesday, but she's been working hard to be better.  I've been able to go up some days and volunteer at the school.  It's been so much fun!  I got to read with kids and work on spelling and phonics and just enjoy being around them.  I love it!  I wish I had more time to be up there.  I want to be able to do my student teaching and observation hours there, but I don't think it's going to work out that way.  I'm still praying for it because I know the Lord does answer prayers everyday all around me.  On her birthday we had cupcakes, juice, a story, and games for all the kids in her class.  They are a funny bunch of kids.  Taylor has a lot of really good friends, which I'm SO thankful for!!

Here are some party pics!

The birthday girl!

Taylor, Malachi, and Xavier

We had a princess cupcake cake, ice cream, grapes, pineapple, apples, oranges, and goldfish.

Taylor got great presents!  She's been playing with everything.  She especially loves the Barbies!!

The weather was perfect!  We blew up a jumper in the park across the street.  The kids loved it! 

Jackie and Tammy (another mom) got in the jumper with the kids.  They both ended up falling down on one side, then all the kids fell down too.  Everyone was in one corner and the jumper began to fall over.  Not scary, just hilarious!  I should have had the video camera on.  Everyone was laughing so hard!  That night Taylor had her first sleepover.  Zoe came and stayed the night.  We all had a blast.  They played Barbie, dress up, watched a movie, made pizzas, and then they ended up sleeping in bed with me while Jackie slept in Taylor's bed.  What a great Daddy!!

  Speaking of Taylor's bed, here's a picture of her great new bed!  Jackie built it.  He did a great job and she LOVES it!  She wants to show everyone.  I can't believe how much fun she is. 

Taylor,

Daddy and I love you so much and are so blessed to have you in our lives.  I can't wait to see the woman you become one day, but for now I'm LOVING spending time with you and watching you grow.  We will always love you more than I can ever find words to express!  Most of all we know and are striving to teach you, that if you listen to the Lord He will do amazing things with you! 

Mommy